Staying behind
by ShoeQueen
Summary: General Jack O'Neill deals with watching SG-1 go on their first mission without him. Slight S/J shipping (of course!). One Shot, based on S8, Ep 4, Zero Hour. *****Nomintated for 2014 Sam and Jack Multimedia Award-Angst*****


**Disclaimer: For some reason, these characters still aren't mine. :(**

**This story has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.**

**It takes place during S8, Ep 4, Zero Hour**

**Please not that the dialogue between the ****asterisks * is taken directly from the episode, and is not mine. I have added thoughts and gestures, but the dialogue is as written by Robert C. Cooper. Many thanks to Gateworld for having transcripts available for most of the episodes.**

**Reviews much appreciated!**

* * *

The newly minted General Jack O'Neill sat in his office, which had formerly belonged to General Hammond. Instead of working on the mound of paperwork sitting on his impressively largest desk, he stared through the clear star map out at the empty conference room. He'd just finished up his pre-mission brief with SG-1 and SG-3, and now faced a mind numbingly dull day of meeting, forms, headaches, and apparently bunting. Bunting, for cripes's sake! Would the President really care about the bunting during his upcoming visit? How had Hammond dealt with this? Jack appreciated Hammond's quiet dignity even more now that he knew what the man had put up with all those years. He felt slightly guilty for all the trouble he had thrown into the mix and made a mental note to call Hammond up and offer a sincere apology. After he'd dealt with everything else, of course.

Sighing, he tossed down his pen, giving up all pretense of actually working. This would be SG-1's first mission without him and it felt strange to know he wasn't going with them. It was depressing in its own way. He had taken the promotion by choice, to fight for the SGC, but it still felt somehow wrong. He knew having a star on his shoulder pulled a lot more weight than a bird, and he firmly believed the SGC needed to be kept out of the hands of politicians and wannabe's who knew nothing of the dangers the world faced, so he agreed and now, here he sat, angry at politicians, bean counters, the world, the Goa'uld, and especially himself for feeling this way. He took the job, knowing the day would come when SG-1 went on and he stayed behind, but the reality of it was just setting in. He was now a desk jockey, who would sit back while his people went out into harm's way, and all he could do was wait, watch his hair go even grayer, and hope they make it home in one piece. If he were a praying man, he thought he might even pray. He would be concerned about each and every team that went out, but he knew it was SG-1 that would give him the most worry.

_Be honest with yourself, Jack,_ he thought. _It's not just the team you're worried about making it back, it's her. What would you do if she didn't come back? _ He felt sick just thinking about her not coming back. It was true she hadn't always come back on his watch, but he always found her and brought her home. He blew out a breath and headed out of the office toward the control room to watch them leave. He was not cut out for this job. He didn't know how Hammond had done it all those years.

Jack was just about to descend the circular staircase when Teal'c came into the room. "Hey, T. Something I can do for ya?" He tried to sound casual, but knew he was failing.

"I merely wished to see you before we depart for our mission, O'Neill." The bigger man said. "It will be unusual not to have you with us permanently."

Jack gave him a lopsided grin. "Yeah, unusual for me too. I feel like the kid who didn't get picked in gym class." Hesitating, he looked at his friend and said in softer voice, "You'll be careful, right?"

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "Are you that concerned for our well being, O'Neill?"

Shrugging, Jack looked back at the long table where he now held the top seat. "No, not really. You guys can handle this. It's just that, uh…you know, I won't be there to watch your six."

"I believe it is not my six you are concerned with, O'Neill," Teal'c said casually, as though he were commenting on the weather.

Jack's eyes snapped up from the table to meet Teal'c's, momentarily startled. He banked his reaction quickly. "Come on, T," he moved his hand up and down. "Your six is perfect. All muscular and whatnot. Who wouldn't be concerned about it?"

An eyebrow raise was Teal'c's answer. Jack knew he was fooling no one, and dropped the pretense. "Okay, big man, just, make sure everyone makes it back. You and your six included, okay?"

Teal'c inclined his head. "Indeed, we shall, O'Neill, and do not worry. I shall watch everyone's six, though not as closely as you might."

"Was that a joke, T?"

"Perhaps," Teal'c replied. "I assure you she shall return. I must go."

Jack nodded. "Yeah. And T? Thanks."

Teal'c nodded again and turned toward the door. O'Neill headed to the control room and looked down through the bullet proof glass to see Carter and Daniel make their final preps before the gate dialed up. Carter looked up suddenly and caught his eye, as though she knew he was watching her. He wondered how she always knew where he was. She smiled slightly, and he nodded in acknowledgement. He wondered if she felt strange going without him as the leader. Jack knew she was perfectly capable of leading the now three-person team, but that didn't relieve his anxiety. He also knew she was upset over his decision to send SG-3 with them, but she'd get over it; he hoped. He wasn't going to take any chances on this mission, as it involved a possible stash of Goa'uld weapons that they knew Ba'al was also searching for.

Walter began the dialing sequence and Jack headed down to the gate room. He paused just outside the door, steadying himself. He couldn't let any of them, especially Carter, see him being anything but a general who was fully confident in his people. He had full faith in their abilities, he was just miserable that he wasn't going along for the ride.

Hearing the gate kawoosh, he knew he couldn't put off facing them any longer. As he stepped through the door, he put on his trademark smirk.

Carter was of course, the first to turn toward him. She gave him a sad smile, and he wondered if she would miss him on the mission. Her eyes sought his and she stared deeply into them for just a moment, making his insides quiver slightly. *****Sir,* she said snapping into military mode.

He looked around at the familiar faces, knowing if things went wrong, which they had an alarming frequency of doing, he might not ever see them again. The though of writing a letter of condolence to any of their families, took away all the lovely quivering he'd felt before, leaving only a hollow feeling in its place. Pushing the thought away, he clapped his hands together and addressed them. *Good morning, people,* he addressed them, nodding to each of them. They all looked at him with apprehension. He smiled brighter, feeling the phoniness of it down to his toes, hoping they didn't pick up on it. *Sure wish I was going with you, but I've got a big day planned, tasting menu items for the buffet!* Several of the team members smiled at him, but those who knew him well, knew it was all for show.

After a small wave, Daniel, ever the optimist, and SG-3 headed up the ramp and disappeared. Sam started to follow, but turned to him first. She gave him a little nod before saying *Have fun, sir.*

He rocked on his heels casually, trying to stop himself from pulling her off the mission. *You know I will,* he told her, then turned more serious. *Watch your back.* He hoped she would know that what he really meant was _come back to me_. She walked further up the ramp and he watched her, taking a deep breath, and blowing it out again, just as she stepped through.

Teal'c stood back and watched the exchange. He knew both his friends were worried and conflicted, and wished there was something he could do for them, but knew it was a path they had to walk on their own. One day that path would continue or separate, and if the latter happened, he wasn't certain what they would all do. Stepping toward the bottom of the ramp, he paused when Jack tapped him on the shoulder. *Mind the curfew.***** Teal'c inclined his head and followed Carter through the wormhole. Jack had the insane urge to run through with them, leaving the insanity of the SGC behind. He couldn't be entirely sure that Walter wouldn't track him down and drag him back though.

He watched the shimmering center of the gate collapse on itself, and gave out a frustrated grunt, knowing his days of exciting off world travel were now behind him. Sure, he might occasionally go out on a diplomatic mission or two, but it would never be the same. SG-1 would never be the same, and without them, neither would he. He turned toward the doors and prepared to go deal with whatever problem Dr. Lee was having with that damn plant that came back from P something, and then tackle the apparent bunting issue. He looked back at the gate and quietly whispered the words he'd heard Hammond utter so many times, "Godspeed, SG-1." He now fully understood what it meant: _Come home safely_.

**Fin**


End file.
